Aug 17 8:00 PM
As has been my experience with African airports, it was crazy. 15 people trying to help me find a taxi or carry my bags to try to get a tip. It always seems like there are 10 people trying to do one person's job. Haha even loading the bags into the van took forever because there were more people trying to load the bags than there were actual bags. It was an interesting experience for sure but I think having been in Kenya before and maybe just being older and having experienced more since then has helped de-intensify the culture shock at least somewhat.
I have, however, experienced some of the "What the heck am I doing here" phase that tends to happen the first little bit that I go somewhere new. I think the differentness of everything, feeling like an outsider, being unsure about what to say or how to act, and especially the very daunting task ahead of me of ministering to a people that right now I feel like I cannot relate to at all. The kind of thoughts running through my mind are like "how can I make a difference in peoples' lives when we can only barely understand each other when we speak?" But in all that, I have to keep reminding myself that it is not my responsibility to change a person's heart. It is only my responsibility to obey in love, and love can transcend all language or cultural barriers. God is the one who changes hearts.
There seems to be a pride issue with those thoughts that creep in my head. It's almost a discouragement based on a fear of failure before I even begin my work. "Am I doing the right thing and am I going to be able to make a difference, to make an impact?" I think these are the wrong questions because they stem from my own pride of wanting to be able to say that I "accomplished" something. I think they should instead be something like "Am I acting in loving obedience to the Father and am I actively seeking to pass on his love to others around me?" It's funny, that sounds a lot like "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and sould and mind. And love your neighbor as yourself." I mean Christ did say these are the two greatest commandments. I sometimes take the complicated route through the pride and selfishness issues but I always end up at these two commandments. The good news is that the journey seems to be getting shorter. :) "Succeeding" in these two commandments is so much more important than any other sort of measurable success as we might think of it. The rest is God's responsibility. It is not achieving results that must be my motivation but it is obedience and love, first for my Father and then my neighbor.
I have, however, experienced some of the "What the heck am I doing here" phase that tends to happen the first little bit that I go somewhere new. I think the differentness of everything, feeling like an outsider, being unsure about what to say or how to act, and especially the very daunting task ahead of me of ministering to a people that right now I feel like I cannot relate to at all. The kind of thoughts running through my mind are like "how can I make a difference in peoples' lives when we can only barely understand each other when we speak?" But in all that, I have to keep reminding myself that it is not my responsibility to change a person's heart. It is only my responsibility to obey in love, and love can transcend all language or cultural barriers. God is the one who changes hearts.
There seems to be a pride issue with those thoughts that creep in my head. It's almost a discouragement based on a fear of failure before I even begin my work. "Am I doing the right thing and am I going to be able to make a difference, to make an impact?" I think these are the wrong questions because they stem from my own pride of wanting to be able to say that I "accomplished" something. I think they should instead be something like "Am I acting in loving obedience to the Father and am I actively seeking to pass on his love to others around me?" It's funny, that sounds a lot like "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and sould and mind. And love your neighbor as yourself." I mean Christ did say these are the two greatest commandments. I sometimes take the complicated route through the pride and selfishness issues but I always end up at these two commandments. The good news is that the journey seems to be getting shorter. :) "Succeeding" in these two commandments is so much more important than any other sort of measurable success as we might think of it. The rest is God's responsibility. It is not achieving results that must be my motivation but it is obedience and love, first for my Father and then my neighbor.
I heard a pastor say once that God doesn't always choose the most qualified man for a job, but rather the most willing and obediant man. In fact, sometimes he chooses a "cracked" pot or, one with imperfections, so that where he is weak and broken...God's glory can truly shine through. Thanks for reminding us that we need not be perfect to serve him... only willing to be "perfectable" through his love.
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