Sept 22 (Jesus knelt before me today, barefoot and haggard)

This is something I wrote last night after an experience I had with a man that afternoon. I know there are all kinds of issues with and opinions about giving to beggars that deal with enabling, dependency, substance abuse problems and all kinds of stuff. This has nothing to do with any of that. This is just my own confession of brokenness, for not only my failure to recognize my Lord in front of me, but choosing to ignore Him.


"Jesus knelt before me today, barefoot and haggard"

With belly full and satisfied
I sauntered down the steps.
Then on the street, who do I meet
But Jesus Christ Himself.

I'd passed Him once on the way in
And crossed to the other side.
Now as we meet, can't help but see
The suffering in His eyes.

What happened next, I did not expect
Or ever thought I'd see.
The King of Kings and Lord of Lords
Knelt down in front of me.

With head bowed low and hands outstretched
He humbly looked my way,
And what did I do? It's shameful but true.
I turned and walked away.

I did not think to see my Lord
Down on bended knee.
"Christ, be fair! I did not know!
Twas You knelt front of me."

But as these words come out my mouth
I hear my Lord's decree,
"What you've not done for the least of these
You have not done for Me."

Sept 20 (What I AM and am NOT)

First a little side note, anybody wanting to understand more about Kroo Bay check out this website. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/shared/spl/hi/picture_gallery/07/africa_sierra_leone_slum/html/1.stm

This week marked the one month anniversary of my arrival to Sierra Leone! In some ways it feels like time has just flown by and in other ways it feels like I have been here for so much longer than that. It seems that the longer I am here (and really just the more days that I am alive in general) the more I realize how much I have to learn. And the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know. :) Such is the nature of knowledge I guess. If I had to describe my time here so far with one word it would be "humbling." I have been realizing two things - that which I AM and that which I am NOT.

I have found out that I am not as strong, not as compassionate, not as loving, not as good a teacher, not as well read or educated, not as discerning (and a whole host of other things) as I thought. And if I stopped there that would make for a pretty depressing experience thus far but the good news is it doesn't stop there. In learning all those things I am realizing my weakness, and it is in my realization and acceptance of my weakness that I am made strong. I am made strong because of what I DO have as a follower of Christ. First and foremost, I have the Spirit of the Living God dwelling in me, the same Spirit which lived in Christ Himself and empowered Him to live in 100% complete dependence upon God to live and to work through Him. As a child of God, heir with Christ, beloved of the Father, if I allow His spirit within me to lead and guide me so that as Paul said "It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me," then I can go forward in the full confidence that the power of His Spirit within me is more than sufficient to accomplish all that He has set before me. So really I guess I am realizing the power of the ONE thing that I DO have which by far trumps all my weaknesses and limitations, actually in fact it is only through me recognizing and accepting my weakness and limitations that the Spirit is then free to work in me.

My entire life I have always been a get 'er done kind of guy but God keeps telling me to be still, silent, and alone with Him, to stop running around trying to do so much and to learn to enjoy him. Then my "doing" becomes much more focused and has more purpose because it is a result of my "being." Yes there is so much to be done in the world and yes Christ has called each one of us to "go" in our own callings, in essence it looks like the "love your neighbor" part of the two greatest commandments. But while I have been here God has been teaching me about the greatest commandment "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind." You see only if I am living in this first and greatest commandment can I live out the second one. As I learn to be silent, still, and alone with God, stripped of all support structures, masquerades, and pretenses, I am realizing the passion and the intensity with which my Abba Father loves and desires me. As I am overcome with the magnitude of His presence and love in me it is then and only then that I am capable of fulfilling the second greatest commandment. It is in this place as I stated earlier that my "doing" becomes a result of my "being."

Sept 13 (Diva men and tattoos)

This past Thursday, one of the men on staff here named Jan (he's German so it's pronounced Yan) asked me to go to Kroo Bay with him. We were going to drop off a med student from Oxford named Rachel at a clinic in the middle of the slum and then go to a couple of places in the area that Jan knew to get to know some of the people who live there and establish some relationships with them. Evidently he is already fairly well known by a lot of the people and we heard "Mr. Jan! Mr. Jan!" coming from all over as we walked. Everybody wanted to greet him. I do not think there is a way for me to give you an accurate understanding of what Kroo Bay is like. It is just not within my literary or vocabulary reach to do so, but suffice it to say that it is a place avoided by even most Freetown locals, most of whom would be considered poor themselves. It is a place of poverty, disease, hunger, and all sorts of suffering and evil, but while that is all true it is also a place where there is a great opportunity for the love of our Creator to be shown. For it is in the darkest places where even a little bit of light can make a huge difference.

Basicall, what Jan is doing in Kroo Bay right now is getting to know the people. I think so many times in my own life I get wrapped up in projects and "fixing" problems as the way to love my neighbor as Christ commanded. Now I am all for certain projects and social justice issues and such but it is so easy sometimes to de-humanize or de-personalize such things. I forget that within the "projects" are the prized creation of the Most High God, made in His image, and beloved by Him. It is when I begin to comprehend this Truth that places like Kroo Bay cease to exist in my mind as a problem that needs fixing but instead as a place filled with beloved children of my own Father, my brothers and sisters, each with a face, a name, a story, joys and sorrows, who long to be loved and accepted, and with whom God the Father is madly in love with.

Ok, so time for a story. One of the thins we did in Kroo Bay is to go to this place the residents called "Diva." One guy we talked to actually introduced himself to us as a "Diva Man" and I was really confused at first until he explained the meaning. I know, funny name in English, but in Krio it basically means "hang out spot." Diva is a lean to style structure with no walls, a tin roof, and bench style seats made of crude wood where people, mostly men and boys, hang out and smoke weed to pass the time. It was really funny to see the reaction of the guys to me and Jan walking into Diva amidst the pot smoke wafting through the air and then Jan asking if we could hang out with them. At first, they were suspicious of us, and I don't blame them. I doubt many white people come to hang out there much. Jan just told them we came to learn from them about life in Kroo Bay. Once they realized that Jan and I weren't there to really "do" anything but that we were really interested in hearing about their lives in Kroo Bay, both good and bad, they started to loosen up and talk and joke with us. They told us about their community soccer team and bragged about how two guys from Kroo Bay actually play on the national team. They pointed out the field that they play on but informed us that they were waiting until after the rainy season to play because the area floods so badly. Not only does their houses flood but with the water comes all the trash and filth from the city above so the entire area, soccer field, paths, houses, is covered with trash. They told us that the flooding is worse now because of a bridge the city built for a road through Kroo Bay is causing a buildup of rubbish and is not allowing the water to flow through but instead pushes it out of the banks and into the slum. They told us about trying to find work in the city but the scarcity of jobs which is why they sit around and smoke instead of working (granted there are probably a variety of reasons they do not work. some their own fault and some not but I am just repeating their words).

One of the cool parts about the whole thing was that they seemed thankful, though probably still skeptical, that we actually wanted to listen to their thoughts on life in Kroo Bay and that we honestly admitted that we did not understand and could not relate but wanted to learn from and listen to them.

At the end, several of them were asking about my tattoos and so Jan asked if they wanted to hear the story behind my tree tattoo. Stories and pictures are big in African culture so they were eager to hear. Jan read the story from Isaiah 11 that prophesies of the coming of Christ. "A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit...." I told Jan later that was not actually the original inspiration of the tatoo but that I really liked his interpretation of it. After that, they all asked to hear the story behind my other tattoo, as they could only see the part below my sleeve, but we had to get going so Jan said if they would like for us to come back we could tell them the story next time. They said we could come back Monday if we wanted to. Haha I think it is so interesting to see how God works sometimes. I never really imagined myself in a pot den in a slum in Freetown having a friend use my tattoos as a story board to tell of the love of Christ. Please pray for the people in Kroo Bay and especially for the "Diva men" that Gold would reveal Himself to them, that they may see and experience His love. For there is no place that His love cannot penetrate. Pray that I may listen to and obey the Spirit as He leads my interaction with these people.

I love you all!!!

Sep 9 (A Week in the Life)

So I just want to share some details about what I am actually doing here during the week. Monday-Wednesday we have Bible study/worhip as a community (all the WMF staff) at Cami's house from 9:00-10:30. Then we have a break, then lunch before Krio class at 1:30. On Tuesday's, however, the servant team (my team here for 4 months) meets from 11:00-12:00 because we are going through the book of Isaiah together. Mon-Wed after Krio we go directly to the building where we tutor the Lighthouse and Kroo Bay kids. Wed night there is an international Bible study which is made up of Christians from all over the world. I have met some of the most amazingly gracious and loving people there. Thursdays we take turns making lunch with Steph, our servant team coordinator, at her house. We spend several hours there eating and talking about life and our experiences here in Freetown. We also have book discussions on the several books we are reading as a group while we're here. We just finished Way of the Heart by Henri Nouwen, which I highly recommend. This week we are starting Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger which has definitely brought me both conviction and hope. After Steph's we go to Lighthouse which is the Bible study and worship time with the youth. Friday is our day off which I usually start with a run along the beach. Sat mornings we meet the youth at the beach to play ultimate frisbee and do some gymnastics. :) Sat afternoon is the Kroo Bay Good News Kids Club which I guess I would compare to a kind of VBS. We also do some basic medical care of cuts and wounds after Kids Club as infections can be extremely dangerous in the slum. Sundays we have been going to a different church each day, just trying to experience the culture and meet new people.

This past Monday we had a staff retreat up on a mountain called Lester Peak which overlooks Freetown. The view and the landscape were absolutely incredible! I took a lot of pictures so hopefully I will be able to post them soon...and Dad, I have kept up the family tradition of getting a good "handstand picture," though I think I may have freaked out my leaders/team members a little bit. They just don't get it I guess. :)

I guess that's all for now. Please keep praying for me that I may be able to be still, silent, listen well, and understand the voice of the Lord. I know I have so much more to learn.

Sep 1 & 3 (Crazy Pills, Backhandsprings, and Pillow Fights)

Sept 1 9:00 PM

So the malaria medication, Larium, that I am on here sucks. I'm going to switch to a different kind next week. Evidently one of it's side effects is that it can cause anxiety and depression. Ha, well I haven't really been depressed but this past week, since I took my last dose on Saturday, I have not felt like myself. I am usually a pretty easy going person but it seemed like the littlest and stupidest stuff would just really irritate me. It weirded me out. Anne, who's also on my servant team, as well as every person here that I have talked to that has taken the same medication said that they had to switch too because it made them depressed, irritable, and/or have anxiety attacks. Oh, it also gives you really crazy, vivid dreams so I haven't been sleeping well. LOL it's some crazy stuff evidently. The third week you are on it is supposed to be the worst and of course this is my third week. :) My symptoms haven't been too extreme, but I am definitely going to switch medications. Anyways, enough about that. :) Now I know I'm not crazy. I was just taking crazy pills!

Sept 3 9:00 AM

Ok I finally want to write about one of the best Saturday nights I've had in a long time. Last Saturday, we went over to our field director, Cami's, house. Once a week, she invites three boys, Mohamed, Remie, and Saidu, who live in Kroo Bay with one of the WMF staff members anmed Noah, to spend the night at her house to give him a break. Each has their own story but Noah has taken them in sort of as his own kids. Remie is my ADHD buddy that I tutor during the week and he and Saidu are both around 11 years old. Saidu is a small guy and loves to play the djembe (African drum) and he is really good at it! Mohamed is probably around 18 and is an extremely gifted student.

Saturday night me, Ben, Krysta, and Anne were at Cami's hanging out with the three boys. Two older boys, David and Alimomie were also there. We ate and talked and laughed. Saidu was trying to teach us how to play the djembe and laughing when the four whities couldn't stay in rythym. Then Cami pulls out this old, twin size spring mattress and asks if I want to teach them some gymnastics! We started with some basics, backbends walking their hands down the wall, backbends onto the mattress, and kickovers off the wall. They were having a blast! Even the older guys joined in. Cami just told me to keep in mind that we don't have any good medical care here. :) But by the end of the night almost everybody was doing backhandsprings on the mattress with a spot and Remie and Alimomie can practically do it by themselves!

Half way through "gymnastics class" Cami grabbed Saidu and interrupted with an impromptu tickle fight which manifested into a pillow fight which turned into an all out pillow battle royale. It was hilarious! Then half way through I had to step outside because I had this sort of epiphany that made me almost start to cry. This was one of the most genuine and beautiful pictures of ministry I had ever seen. I wonder how many times before WMF had taken them in that someone had taken the time to love on them through an impromptu tickle fight, pillow war, or even a sort of gym class. I won't give you a background on the boys specifically to respect their privacy but suffice it to say that each has their own story of hardship and extreme physical need. There are so many people out there in need of food, medical care, and a myriad of other needs and of course we can show the love of Christ through meeting those physical needs, but I wonder to what power that love is intensified when we make a conscious decision to not merely provide for them but to share life with them as part of a community. To eat together, laugh together, play together, and also to cry together, to mourn and suffer together. "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15

I think I am beginning to understand what Jesus said when he was questioned as to why he was eating and hanging out with the "sinners." "But go and learn what this means, 'I desire compassion and not sacrifice'." One of the concrete ways Jesus lived out this compassion was to eat with them, to hang out with them, to share life with them as part of their community. How much easier it is sometimes to give "sacrifices," money or charity or any number of good things, than it is to BE a living sacrifice in love, friendship, and community whether through a conversation, sharing a meal, celebrating together, grieving together, or maybe even a pillow fight. This is where the true nature of compassion seems to be made manifest.