Sept 20 (What I AM and am NOT)

First a little side note, anybody wanting to understand more about Kroo Bay check out this website. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/shared/spl/hi/picture_gallery/07/africa_sierra_leone_slum/html/1.stm

This week marked the one month anniversary of my arrival to Sierra Leone! In some ways it feels like time has just flown by and in other ways it feels like I have been here for so much longer than that. It seems that the longer I am here (and really just the more days that I am alive in general) the more I realize how much I have to learn. And the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know. :) Such is the nature of knowledge I guess. If I had to describe my time here so far with one word it would be "humbling." I have been realizing two things - that which I AM and that which I am NOT.

I have found out that I am not as strong, not as compassionate, not as loving, not as good a teacher, not as well read or educated, not as discerning (and a whole host of other things) as I thought. And if I stopped there that would make for a pretty depressing experience thus far but the good news is it doesn't stop there. In learning all those things I am realizing my weakness, and it is in my realization and acceptance of my weakness that I am made strong. I am made strong because of what I DO have as a follower of Christ. First and foremost, I have the Spirit of the Living God dwelling in me, the same Spirit which lived in Christ Himself and empowered Him to live in 100% complete dependence upon God to live and to work through Him. As a child of God, heir with Christ, beloved of the Father, if I allow His spirit within me to lead and guide me so that as Paul said "It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me," then I can go forward in the full confidence that the power of His Spirit within me is more than sufficient to accomplish all that He has set before me. So really I guess I am realizing the power of the ONE thing that I DO have which by far trumps all my weaknesses and limitations, actually in fact it is only through me recognizing and accepting my weakness and limitations that the Spirit is then free to work in me.

My entire life I have always been a get 'er done kind of guy but God keeps telling me to be still, silent, and alone with Him, to stop running around trying to do so much and to learn to enjoy him. Then my "doing" becomes much more focused and has more purpose because it is a result of my "being." Yes there is so much to be done in the world and yes Christ has called each one of us to "go" in our own callings, in essence it looks like the "love your neighbor" part of the two greatest commandments. But while I have been here God has been teaching me about the greatest commandment "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind." You see only if I am living in this first and greatest commandment can I live out the second one. As I learn to be silent, still, and alone with God, stripped of all support structures, masquerades, and pretenses, I am realizing the passion and the intensity with which my Abba Father loves and desires me. As I am overcome with the magnitude of His presence and love in me it is then and only then that I am capable of fulfilling the second greatest commandment. It is in this place as I stated earlier that my "doing" becomes a result of my "being."